Monthly Archives: March 2017

we ship worldwide
Drunk girl at Denny’s just told me vaginas were invented when Wolverine was fingering Adam and got too excited. Now I believe in true love.

enter at your own risk
Sometimes I worry about the choices I’ve made in life, but other times I’m too busy fighting off the squirrels

damn right it’s better than yours
Autocorrect just changed “extreme” to “Xtreme” because it /knows/ i’m a douchebag.

Do You Like To Party?
Does complaining count as protesting? Cause if so, I’m now a two-time winner of this Time Person of the Year thing.