What a time to be alive

The most common apology texts sent from my fone, in no particular order:
Sorry you had to carry me home.

I’m sorry I threw up in the __________ (sink, bed, potted plant).

Sorry I picked a fight with ____________.

Sorry I got us kicked out of the bar because I __________.

Sorry “we’ll only do one shot” turned into _________.

Sorry I skipped our _________ class, can I get the notes?

Sorry I cock blocked you.

Sorry I didn’t cock block you, and you went home with some weirdo.

Sorry I caused a scene at the bar. That basterd really was trying to fight me.

Sorry I called you 27 times demanding to know why you’d left me when really you were in the bathroom.

Sorry I got drunk and broke your _______ (camera, TV, phone).

(Mass text) Sorry for blacking out during all of welcome week. I just missed you guys so much.

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Mi’iwi.

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