The most common apology texts sent from my fone, in no particular order:
Sorry you had to carry me home.
I’m sorry I threw up in the __________ (sink, bed, potted plant).
Sorry I picked a fight with ____________.
Sorry I got us kicked out of the bar because I __________.
Sorry “we’ll only do one shot” turned into _________.
Sorry I skipped our _________ class, can I get the notes?
Sorry I cock blocked you.
Sorry I didn’t cock block you, and you went home with some weirdo.
Sorry I caused a scene at the bar. That basterd really was trying to fight me.
Sorry I called you 27 times demanding to know why you’d left me when really you were in the bathroom.
Sorry I got drunk and broke your _______ (camera, TV, phone).
(Mass text) Sorry for blacking out during all of welcome week. I just missed you guys so much.