Sometimes, things or events happen in our interpersonal relationships that rock us to the core. Our worldviews are challenged and, in my case, my nerves were WRECKED and my heart broken in two.Recently, I’ve had to dig deep inside myself to try and figure out what it is I really want out of life, and what sort of person I want to partner with on this crazy adventure. My priorities have shifted.
I want my beloved, spouse, mate, partner (you choose the word) to care profoundly about what makes me thrive, as I care profoundly about their happiness.
I have no interest in labeling myself and trying to follow someone else’s arbitrary rules, especially in the most intimate of chambers: my love life. Ideally, our relationship will be vehicle of growth for both of my partner and myself. I do not wish to stagnate, or inhibit my partner from fully-actualizing themselves and their goals. I hate the “game of rings”; I think it’s archaic nonsense. However, if *you* insist on playing the game of rings, please, do us all a favor and accept the terms of the game of rings. [But I digress].
I innately accept that my desire to be picked, to be elevated, to be purely, fully loved, cannot be given to me by another person. No matter how elaborate or well-timed the engagement, the work of self-love will always fall back on ourselves.
In the past, I have not always been as attuned to my partners, or their needs, as I would like to be.
Once a week, I want to turn to the people I care for most and ask, “How’s it going for you? What do you need?”
Because I want to know.
Because love is a verb, and I want my actions to be responsive.
Bottom line, I want choices and intelligent discourse.
I want to KNOW.
tl;dr: Kill your idealized notion of romance to save your sanity.
Mi’iwi [that’s all]